The Many Sides of You: Embracing Your Authentic Self in Every Situation

Ever feel like you’re constantly switching gears when you’re around different people? Like, one version of you shows up at work, another around friends, and yet another with family? It’s like wearing different hats, and sometimes it feels confusing to figure out which one is the “real” you. It’s something we all do—adjust ourselves based on who we’re with, what’s expected, and the situation we’re in. It can feel like we’re putting on a show or not being fully authentic. But what if all these versions of you were just different parts of the same person? What if embracing these versions instead of fighting them could lead to a fuller, more authentic life?

Let’s dive into what it means to be many things at once, how this isn’t a sign of being fake, and how cultures like Japan and philosophies like Buddhism can help us embrace this complexity in our lives.

A Reunion Sparks Some Big Questions

Not too long ago, I had a mini-reunion with some old colleagues. It was a weekend of reminiscing, a time to catch up with people I hadn’t seen in years. As we sat together under the cherry blossoms, sharing stories and laughing, something felt… strange. I found myself slipping back into old habits, adopting the same way of speaking and behaving that I used to have in that old work environment. It was almost like muscle memory, like no time had passed, and yet I knew deep down that I wasn’t exactly the same person anymore.

After leaving the corporate grind, I’d gone on a personal journey, discovering new sides of myself and finding peace in a slower, more mindful life. So why, in that moment with my former coworkers, did I suddenly feel like the old “office me” was back in full force? It left me thinking: which version of me was the real one?

The Myth of Consistency

Society tells us that consistency is key. We’re supposed to be one person all the time, no matter the situation. Think about the advice you’ve probably heard over and over: “Just be yourself.” But what if “being yourself” doesn’t mean being exactly the same in every situation? What if that advice is missing the fact that humans are way more complex than that?

We shift and adapt based on where we are and who we’re with, and honestly, that’s a pretty smart thing to do. Whether it’s being more professional at work, letting loose with friends, or being more reserved with family, these versions of ourselves serve a purpose. But there’s a lingering feeling that comes with it—this sense that maybe we’re being “fake” or that we’re not being true to who we really are.

In reality, these shifts are less about being inauthentic and more about the natural flexibility of being human. We’re not robots who are programmed to act one way all the time. Each environment pulls out different facets of who we are, and all of these facets are part of our authentic self.

Buddhism’s Take on the Many Selves

Around this time, I stumbled upon a video featuring a monk from the Eoji Temple, sharing insights on how Buddhism views the self. In Buddhism, the idea of a fixed, unchanging self is considered an illusion. Instead, the self is seen as fluid, constantly changing based on our experiences, surroundings, and interactions. This idea blew my mind, because it made sense of that feeling I’d had at the reunion.

According to Buddhist teachings, each version of yourself that appears in different social situations is still you. It’s not a sign that you’re being fake—it’s a reflection of your adaptability and emotional intelligence. Buddhism teaches us that we contain multitudes, and each of these versions plays a role in our lives. The key is to recognize that all these personas are part of one, ever-evolving self.

The beauty of this perspective is that it takes the pressure off trying to be just one thing. It acknowledges that we’re complex, and that’s perfectly okay. In fact, it’s more than okay—it’s part of what makes us human.

Discovering the “True” You

So, what does it mean to be “true to yourself” when there are so many versions of you? For me, I realized that being authentic doesn’t mean choosing one version and sticking to it no matter what. Instead, it’s about recognizing the core values and intentions that remain consistent across all these different situations.

During that reunion, what stayed the same? Even though I slipped back into old habits, my genuine desire to connect with my former colleagues was still there. I wasn’t pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I was just adapting to the environment, while still holding onto the parts of me that were real and honest.

Being true to yourself is more about your intentions than how you act in any given situation. Are you showing up with kindness, openness, and authenticity? Are you connecting with others in a meaningful way? If the answer is yes, then it doesn’t really matter if you act slightly different around your boss versus your best friend. The core of who you are remains intact.

The Japanese Concept of “Tatemae” and “Honne”

Japanese culture has a fascinating way of looking at this concept of shifting between different selves. They have two words to describe the balance between our public and private selves: “tatemae” (what you show to the outside world) and “honne” (your true feelings and desires). It’s a way of acknowledging that there’s often a difference between how we present ourselves in public and what we feel inside. And instead of seeing this as a bad thing, Japanese culture accepts it as part of maintaining harmony in social situations.

Tatemae isn’t about being fake—it’s about understanding the context you’re in and behaving in a way that keeps things running smoothly. Meanwhile, honne is what you feel in your heart, the more private version of your thoughts and desires. Both are necessary, and both are parts of who we are.

For example, in a work setting, you might not express every single opinion you have (that’s tatemae), but that doesn’t mean you’re being dishonest. You’re just adapting to the expectations of the group while still holding onto your personal feelings (honne). It’s a balance, and one that many of us navigate daily without even realizing it.

Empowering Yourself and Others

Here’s where things get empowering: once you accept that you are made up of many selves, each with a purpose, you can start to use this knowledge to grow and connect more deeply with others. By understanding that there’s no “one true self” you have to stick to, you give yourself the freedom to adapt, evolve, and become more in tune with the people and situations around you.

And it’s not just about you—when you embrace the idea of multiple selves, you also become more understanding and accepting of others. You realize that the way someone acts in one context doesn’t define them completely. It allows for more empathy, more patience, and better communication.

The Harmony of Your Many Selves

In the end, life isn’t about finding a single version of yourself and sticking to it. It’s about recognizing that you are a symphony of different selves, each playing its own part depending on the situation. These different facets don’t contradict each other—they come together to create the complex, unique person that you are.

So next time you find yourself acting one way at work and another way at home, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, ask yourself what’s at the core of each of these versions. What are the values that tie them all together? If you can answer that, you’re already well on your way to living a more authentic, empowered life.

Embracing the Symphony of You

Remember, life is like a symphony with many instruments playing at once. Sometimes the strings take the lead, other times the horns, and occasionally, the percussion gets its moment to shine. But together, they create a harmony that’s rich and full. You are no different. Your adaptability and ability to shift between different versions of yourself isn’t something to hide or feel ashamed of—it’s something to celebrate.

By embracing the multitudes within you, you’ll not only find more peace in your own identity, but you’ll also deepen your relationships and foster a greater understanding of the world around you. So go ahead, wear all those hats proudly. Every version of you matters, and together, they make you who you are.