Understanding Relationships: From Goukon to Marriage in Japan

In Japan, the journey from meeting to marriage is a unique and intricate dance that often begins in school or at a ‘goukon,’ a mixed-gender party designed for matchmaking. This blog delves into the intricate details of how relationships form, deepen, and culminate in marriage in Japan.

Starting Point: Goukon - The Party for Meeting

Goukon, a portmanteau of the words ‘gou’ (meaning ‘group’) and ‘konkatsu’ (meaning ‘marriage hunting’), is a common way for Japanese adults to meet potential partners. Typically held at restaurants or izakaya (Japanese pubs), these gatherings are lighthearted and often involve drinking, which helps participants relax and open up.

The number of participants in a goukon usually ranges from 4 to 8, with an equal number of men and women. The evening begins with self-introductions, where each person shares their name, occupation, and hobbies. Following this, the atmosphere becomes more informal, with games and conversations facilitating further interaction. Alcohol, while not essential, often plays a role in breaking the ice and making people feel more at ease.

Moving Forward: From Goukon to Dating

If a man and woman connect at a goukon, they might exchange contact information, leading to potential dates in the future. These dates can be as simple as meeting for coffee, going to a movie, or visiting popular spots like aquariums, zoos, or amusement parks. The goal is to deepen the relationship and get to know each other better.

In Japan, celebrating the anniversary of when a couple started dating is a cherished tradition. It’s a way to remember and cherish the beginning of their journey together.

The Serious Step: Confession and Dating

When two people feel a strong connection, the next step is ‘kokuhaku’ (confession). This is a formal declaration of romantic interest, often done in a quiet, private setting like a park. If the confession is accepted, the couple embarks on a relationship, known as ‘tsukiau’ (dating). Traditionally, men are more likely to confess, but it’s not uncommon for women to take the lead.

The Goal: Marriage and Engagement

Marriage is the ultimate goal for many couples in Japan. Before proposing, couples typically spend a significant amount of time getting to know each other, often dating for 1 to 3 years. This period allows them to ensure compatibility and readiness for the commitment of marriage.

A proposal is a pivotal moment, often involving an engagement ring given by the man to the woman. The location can vary, from the intimacy of home to the grandeur of a restaurant or the excitement of an amusement park. The ring, worn on the left hand’s ring finger, symbolizes the couple’s commitment to each other.

Marriage Activities: Konkatsu

Finding a marriage partner can be challenging. In Japan, this process is referred to as ‘konkatsu’ and can involve various methods, such as online platforms, marriage hunting parties, and marriage consultation agencies.

Online Platforms

Marriage hunting websites offer a convenient way to meet potential partners. Users can search for someone that matches their criteria, making the process accessible and efficient.

Marriage Hunting Parties

These gatherings are similar to goukon but are specifically for individuals actively seeking marriage. They provide a larger pool of potential partners and a direct way to interact with several people in one setting.

Marriage Consultation Agencies

For those seeking a more guided approach, marriage consultation agencies offer personalized support. Counselors help users find an ideal partner and provide advice throughout the process. However, this option comes with a cost, including membership fees and charges for arranging meetings.

The Legal Aspect: Marriage Registration

To officially become husband and wife in Japan, couples must submit a marriage registration form at the local city hall. This document requires filling in personal information and having witnesses, usually parents or friends, attest to the marriage. A unique aspect of Japanese law is that married couples must share the same surname, typically the husband’s.

Celebrating Union: Wedding Ceremony

Japanese weddings are elaborate affairs that can be either Western-style, featuring a bride in a wedding dress and a Christian church setting, or Japanese-style, where the couple wears kimonos and the ceremony takes place at a Shinto shrine. The wedding day is divided into a ceremony and a reception, both filled with traditions and joy.

The Final Step: Honeymoon

Following the wedding, most couples embark on a honeymoon, a memorable trip that often lasts about a week. Destinations can range from domestic favorites like Hokkaido, Okinawa, and Kyoto to international locales such as Hawaii and Europe.

Life After Marriage: Childbirth and Beyond

Childbirth is a significant milestone for many married couples in Japan. The decision to have children is often discussed thoroughly, considering financial stability and lifestyle preferences. Childcare is a shared responsibility, with support systems like childcare leave allowing parents to focus on their child’s early years.

As children grow and leave the nest, couples have more time to nurture their relationship and enjoy each other’s company, often through travel and shared hobbies. The journey from meeting at a goukon to celebrating life’s milestones together is a testament to the enduring bond of love and commitment.

Conclusion

Understanding the nuances of relationships in Japan, from the initial meeting at a goukon to the lifelong commitment of marriage, offers a glimpse into the rich cultural tapestry that defines Japanese society. Whether it’s the formalities of confession or the joyous celebrations of a wedding, each step is steeped in tradition and personal significance. As we explore these traditions, we can appreciate the depth and complexity of human connections in Japan.