I’m Sorry for Not Finishing My Meal’: Daycare Incident Sparks Severe Social Eating Anxiety; University Student Faces Challenges with Dining and Relationships

The “2024 Nagano Children’s White Paper,” which delves into the issues affecting children and young people in Nagano Prefecture, has been officially released. The first chapter, titled “Creating a Society that Responds to Children’s Voices,” sheds light on the diverse challenges that children face and emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing their needs. One poignant story is that of Sakurako (21, a pseudonym), a university student who has battled severe social eating anxiety. Her experiences offer a valuable perspective on this issue.

The Origin of Social Eating Anxiety:

Sakurako’s struggle with social eating anxiety began in her early years. While attending a daycare in Nagano Prefecture, she encountered a rigid policy that required children to finish all their meals. Sakurako, who often struggled to complete her food within the designated time, was once made to stand in front of her peers and apologize for not finishing her meal. This experience marked the beginning of her severe anxiety related to eating in social settings.

A Fear of Dining with Non-Family Members:

“I clearly remember apologizing through tears, saying, ‘I’m sorry for always leaving food on my plate. I will eat properly from tomorrow,’” while facing the judgment of my peers. This incident instilled a profound fear of dining with anyone outside her family, a fear that persisted throughout her school years.

Physical Symptoms of Anxiety:

In elementary school, Sakurako’s anxiety about “being scolded for leftovers” made it nearly impossible for her to eat lunch. She often rushed to the restroom due to overwhelming nausea. This anxiety continued into middle school, where she faced comments from classmates about the waste of school lunch money, further intensifying her distress.

Struggling with Self-Blame:

Unable to enjoy what many consider a normal experience of eating with others, Sakurako internalized a sense of failure. It was only later, through watching videos online, that she realized her condition—an intense fear of eating with non-family members and the resulting social anxiety—was a recognized mental health issue known as “social eating anxiety.”

Avoiding Social Interactions:

During high school, Sakurako would fabricate stories about “caring for a dementia-stricken grandfather” to avoid meals with friends. She also avoided dining dates with her partner, eventually ending the relationship due to her anxiety.

A Turning Point at University:

A turning point came in 2021 when Sakurako entered university. In a mental health class, she shared her struggles with social eating anxiety as part of an assignment. To her surprise, a male professor responded with a compassionate perspective: “There’s no need to conform to societal expectations. It’s quite normal for people to leave food on their plates during meals.”

Reflecting on Her Past Experiences:

Sakurako reflected on her past experiences, realizing that she wished her preschool teachers had allowed her to eat at her own pace and that her school teachers had been more observant of her distress signals when she rushed to the restroom.

The Need for Empathy and Understanding:

Professor Itou Kayoko from Osaka Public University, a social welfare expert, highlights the significant psychological barriers children face in expressing their struggles. She emphasizes the importance of adults being attentive and sensitive in their interactions with children. “We need to foster a mindset that there is no such thing as a ‘normal’ in society,” she urges.

Moving Forward with Hope:

Today, Sakurako has found joy in dining with new people and enjoys café hopping with friends during her university breaks. She is now pursuing graduate studies in social welfare, aiming to use her experiences to support others. “Even if you feel outside the ‘norm,’ there are adults who can help shift your perspective and provide support,” she shares as encouragement to other children facing similar struggles.